Friday, September 24, 2010

Finishing up!

Hi Everyone..I cant handle all of these blogs... just too many. Not enough brilliant things to say...SO, I am only going to stick to one which will now be my "Lucky Psychic" blog for which there is a link on the Sacred Elements facebook page or click here:

please find me there and become a follower.... see you there!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary!

Yes its been a massive 20 years!
Wow - we made I sit here typing, both hubby and baby girl are stuck in bed shivering with high temps and lethargic and totally feeling like shit and I am staying far away so that I do not catch anything before my big function on the weekend..
Very selfish, but needed - I just cannot afford to be ill.

Husband has had a very rough trot over the last few years - he seems to get out of one thing and then something else happens.He has been off work for over three months with a shoulder injury suffering from pain every day.

At least we are not looking down the barrel of something worse - we faced that little saga a few years ago when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. But he sorted that one out...and he will get through this new set back too. It just takes time.

I have not held down a proper job in years having my own issues with neck problems, so fair is fair - now its his turn to be sick and needing recovery time and for me to shut up and be supportive.

But, it goes to show we are getting older and less flexible and healthy and priorities are changing as we cling to some sort of quality of life over quantity.

Its just not about stuff and accumulation - I will leave that up to the kids to do - that is their cycle - for us its about trying to get quality and comfort from what we have without busting a gut to get anymore.

It is only a blink of an eye and we will be sitting in some nursing home ourselves, wandering what the hell we are doing there and who the hell are all of the strange people around us.....

I am eternally grateful to my husband for his support over the past 24 years of our relationship - we have had many ups and downs. I admit to having my own very personal set of "issues"...things that I contend with on a daily basis sometimes.

And he has put up with it all - all of my wierd ideas and strange requests, my years of excessive working trying to make ends meet with three jobs at a time, my guilt for not ever feeling like I have done enough, my vain attempts at making my life successful in some valid way, my taking on so many different jobs and ideas and saying that "this is going to work - this time ". Now, one of the biggest changes of all with taking on a business in such an obscure area and working at it for sometimes 12 hours a day and yet not bringing in a red cent to keep the boat afloat...
this man is a saint..
and I am so grateful that he is my saint...
Sorry, my love, for all of my insanity over the last 20 years. If you had put a pillow over my head at some stage in the first few years of our relationship you would have done your time twice over and be out of jail...but you have managed to put up with it all and can still make me laugh until I cry.
Just get well my dear and stay well...I need your strength.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Its Psychic Events week...

Well in a few days we will see whether this was a good idea or not, eh!
It has been worth a try, especially for getting others out there and letting them share what they know - our role in all of this is actually very small. We will dissappear into the background of the day and just make sure things go smoothly and now that John will go "big time" from next year ( we stand to lose him doing anything like this again ) -  he will be doing the hour mediumship sessions so it will be a good opportunity to further his career too. All the stall holder will have to really get in there and talk and spruike their products - I so hope people buy and mingle and it all goes like a treat...for us, it will be about the advertising and getting ourselves out there in the great wide world...
We have made some unusual choices - its not a standard event and people have had to pay for a ticket to get in - we will also only have a few readers instead of a bucket load so that all the readers get a fair shot at making some money. We have chosen not to charge a lot for the stall holders so that it is worth their while and their time.We will have gift bags with discounts and stacks of brochures and that is what actually makes me the happiest - the ability to share other's info -
Of course the old fear and tensions of whether an event will come out ( for the sake of everyone involved ) is what is sitting over my head this week...I hope Fortuna decides to be favourable to us!
Wish us luck....

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Ok its official - I HATE THE COMPUTER!

So, my brain is still in the 1950's!
So I cannot work out how to do anything but the simplest of tasks..the rest can go and get stuffed I say..
I can spend hours on this stupid thing and still be no farther along..lying bastards who keep telling me that "this stuff is so easy"...
"just click on this link and then go there"......yeah right..
I click on the freaking link and it brings up a minefield of garbage that I dont understand that I am supposed to get through before I can get to the next step......
Its not "so easy"
"anyone can do it"...bullshit!!
anyone who was born after 1990 might be able to, but this old bird just cannot talk to a machine....
I need explanations..real explanations...not another bloody link to another another link to another page....
and it is such a time waster...ok...
so facebook is about my limit...but twitter, linkedin, myspace, ??????
I wont have time to go to the bloody toilet let alone lead a normal life if I am on that all day long....and then I find I am compelled to see who has messaged...who has looked...who is ignoring..oh and I must send messages too, I must "like" or write cryptic messages or be intelligent or funny....for Christ's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did we live before all of this?
And I am so told that I NEED TO BE ON ALL OF THIS AND MORE.......I need to sell and buy on line, I need to advertise and create a  flow of  "friends" all of my sites or my life will be total shit...
Well, right now I am over it............

when was the last time YOUR house phone actually rang?
this is all just too hard..................................................................................

Friday, September 10, 2010

Talk about world between the worlds!

Back from the Nursing Home - mum is deteriorating fast.
She no longer walks nor wants to.
She eats very little and is just skin and bone.
She did not recognise me today - at all.
Although I think she was trying to - it just didnt happen.
Thats ok - I knew it would get to that!
She has had her false teeth removed ( for her own safety I guess ) so all food is now mush.
She drinks from a kiddy cup.
She wears a nappy and really does not talk except for half sentences.
Today she was quite vital and awake but mostly she sleeps slumoed over in her wheelchair.
I dont think she can even realise that the sun is shining outside the big glass doors in the room where she sits with the others.
The angels sing and call them all - you can see them listening and waiting....
I am looking at the shell of a former lively competent person who was my mother.
I held her hand and stroked her hair and felt that there was no real need to talk.
The vacancy in the eyes was the hardest to take - just no longer being there...being somewhere in between..
Surrounded by strangers and strange things...being pumped full of medication and mushy potatoes and soup.
Exisiting in a bubble. Is there really a lesson in all of this?
For me a visit "there" is always somewhat life changing - you come back skewed - like you have been knocked off your axis.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The more things change - the more they stay the same

Some things and people just dont change..they just put in a different mask.
They pretend to be different just to hook you in...just to get you interested...but after a while you get the hint that its just the old being wrapped up in a new package...ho hum.
At least you know what to expect.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Happy Fathers Day

I have been fatherless for four years now - I guess at 52, dad no longer played a major role in my life - I did more for him in his last years. That was ok.
I felt it my duty.
But it was very hard to be connected. Dad was always a person to keep his distance.
What did I want from a dad?
Someone who encouraged me, wanted to spend time with me, saw me as a valuable person who had her own opinions worth hearing and discussing.
I wanted a dad who I felt loved me and who supported me.
What I got was somewhat different.
I got a displaced and damaged soul.
Someone who had been removed from family, friends and his homeland.
A man who was forced to leave everything and married a woman who he really did not like.
I got a man who had suffered terrible injuries during the war that left him in daily pain. A man who was set in his ways and would not risk anything for anyone.
A man who never changed. I got a dad that worked afternoon shift at a local factory ( 2pm to 11pm ) so I really only ever saw him on weekends.
Weekends were taken up with doing adult stuff that my mother wanted to do with no consideration to what I wanted - I just tagged along - quietly.
Oh, also going to church - we did a lot of church.
Dad was either quiet or shouting...I dont remember in between. I know there were some moments of closeness - I have photos - but that stopped when I got to about 8 or 9 years old.I rememebr the back of his hand occassionally when I back chatted.
When we moved to Rutherford the distance grew. Then by High School there was a grand canyon between us - he saw me as a money pit - I needed money for school, excursions, books and clothes. My life was spent wearing St Vinnies second hand clothes. Mum worked for about 6 months of her life. That was it. It was all too much and she would never work again except as a volunteer within her community which she did ever single moment that she had available.
Dad was not a social person but he was dragged along to every event my mother decided needed to be in our lives. She wanted fun - dad wanted peace, quiet and solitude.
Where did I fit in?
I didnt.
I was a bit of a mistake...oops!!!

But dad worked hard, even though he hated it.
He provided for us and if I was lucky I got to share some time, in a round about way with both mum and dad.
Dad, you were a grumpy bastard and I remember asking you for help on more than one occassion to have you laugh in my face - that was soul destroying.
But you were my dad and every child wants their dad to love them - so did I.
I was there holding your hand when you passed.
I was there for you - that it the least that I felt I should have done.
Do I miss you?
Not really - there was no realtionship to miss.
But thats ok. I am just stating the facts. this is how it was - and on Fathers Day I remember.
But I dont have any issues anymore - I am screwed in some ways but arent we all.
Because of you - I am here now and have opportunities to make the most of what I can.
That is what I am eternally grateful for - if I stuff it up now...its my fault. Not yours.
I will see you again someday.
Till then, Happy Fathers Day!I remember you!