I sometimes feel myself drawn back into old feelings and a great deal of heaviness comes over me. The last twelve months have been difficult and emotional - a year ago my mum was functioning well. Within a year she has deteriorated to a point where life has little meaning.
This has really pushed me to go for what I want while I still can - just to go for it.
There is no hidden agenda -other than to be happy and help provide for my family.
Somrtimes it is just necessary for people to move on and do what they need to do.
The most important lesson that I have learnt recently is something that I have already stated here - if I am to continue down this path, then I need to do it because I want to and not to please any body else.
Because, I can't please everybody.
So I need to let people be ...and allow them to drift in and out of my life without feeling that I need to reel them in closer. I just cant do that...
and it also means that they need not feel that they have to prop me up - its scary letting go ...my daughter has moved to Melbourne and I do miss her but she needs to find her own way and love her life totally.
We live in a free country in a place full of opportunity - how wonderful is that!
Yet we build our own little prisons and push blame wherever we can as to how horrid our life has become.
Maybe its time to make small changes and not be ashamed that you have.
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Sticks and Stones may break my bones.....